Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

RYAN: Deep in the far recesses of space, you’ll find somewhere that most men dare not even dream of going: Uranus. The seventh planet in our solar system, Uranus lies more than 300 billion km from the sun. Though it was first seen as far back as 1690, Uranus was not truly discovered until 1781 when William Herschel used a telescope of his own design to see further and deeper than anyone had ever seen before. While that was more than 200 years ago, Uranus continues to be a source of great intrigue and the cause of much divide. To this day, men and women empathetically debate whether or not to explore Uranus, if only as an experiment. While NASA’s Voyager 2 was able to briefly study the planet from a distance in the mid-80s, most questions about Uranus won’t be answered until we are able to do some deep exploration and probing.

SHAWN: I can totally see why nobody’s bothered exploring Uranus all that much. First of all, it’s huge and nobody wants to cover that much ground. It’ll be like a hot dog exploring a hallway. Second of all, it’s freezing cold at like -225 degrees Celsius up in there. And I don’t even want to know what those rings on Uranus are about. If you ask me, I’ll stay here on Earth, probing some helluva great music from the band to end all bands—the Butthole Surfers. These hardcore punk rockers knew how to explore space with kickass chords and extraterrestrial ditties like Bar-B-Q Pope and Kuntz and all those songs they refused to name. But did you ever see their live shows? Those were rock parties if you’ve ever seen them. Chaotic, violent and sometimes violent, a Butthole Surfers show was always way more exciting than turning your thrusters on and aiming your rocket at Uranus. And their music was way more arousing.

You should probably have those looked at.

RYAN: Wait. Is Butthole Surfers an actual band? With actual music? And songs? I always just thought that was some sort of joke that I never quite got. Like all those jokes about dead babies. But you’re telling me they exist? Wow. Though with songs like Bar-B-Q Pope and Kuntz, I can see why they’re such an insignificant, relatively unknown band. It’s hard to take a band seriously when even they don’t take themselves seriously. If you want significant, look no further than Uranus. It’s the fourth largest planet in our fair solar system, which means it’s most definitely a planet, unlike that disgraced loser Pluto. Who cares if Uranus gets cold? I’d like to see you stay warm when you’re nearly 3 billion km from the sun. Hands down, Uranus is way more important than Butthole Surfers and way more timeless. For generations, teachers have taught kids all the facts about Uranus. Nobody teaches anyone about Butthole Surfers, much less talks about them.

SHAWN: When was the last time you interacted with Uranus? When was the last time Uranus had any bearing on your life? The answer to those questions, and more, is never. Sure, it’s a planet, and sure kids learn about it, but kids learn about a lot of useless things like state history and math. Uranus is like forever away and can’t even sustain life. It just doesn’t matter. And, sure, it’s been a while since the Butthole Surfers have released any music, but they at least have the potential to matter. You can listen to them, party with them, be moved by their rock-ability. All you can do with Uranus is study it. Name one other good use for Uranus. Plus, the Butthole Surfers may not have had a number one hit in a few years, but they’re still rocking, still writing, and still possibly planning to tour again, no doubt to sold-out shows. A Taylor Swift-loving Carrie Underwood fan like you might not pay much attention to them, but for anyone with taste the Butthole Surfers make Uranus look like shit.

This Butthole Surfers concert is such a jolly good time!

RYAN: It’s funny how you criticize my taste in music considering you still listen to the Gin Blossoms and know all the lyrics to that Miley Cyrus song about partying. I guess it makes sense you like Butthole Surfers since you apparently love crap in all forms. But really, let’s not pretend the Butthole Surfers still have the potential to do anything relevant. They’ve been around for more than 20 years and still don’t matter. Why should anyone think that will change now? They’re obviously past their prime, which was what, that one day back in 1996 when they had a song played on the radio all of one time? Lame. Uranus has been a much bigger part of my life than Butthole Surfers. I can see Uranus almost every night of the week. I don’t even need an instrument. Just look into that dark abyss of space, squint my eyes a little, and there is it! A beacon of hope, tucked so far away that for many years people completely overlooked it. And let’s not assume Uranus can’t sustain life. It might be cold, but so was the planet Hoth, and the Rebel Alliance survived just fine there. At least until the Empire crashed the party. Bunch of jerks, that Empire.

SHAWN: Dear readers: Ryan is a liar. I know not the words to Miley Cyrus anything. On the flipside, if still loving the delightful melodies of the Gin Blossoms means I have poor taste, then rip out my tongue because I have no need for it. And it’s probably not wise to suggest the Butthole Surfers suck because I like them. What about the hundreds of thousands of other fans? The ones that have given them number one hits like Pepper? The ones that earned them very, VERY generous record contracts? The ones that made them the leading surfers of buttholes since 1981? And just because you don’t understand commitment, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with their songs being played less today than ten years ago. They still have the same fans, and they have the ability to stick around by being creative and making music that may not be radio-friendly, but has innovation and heart. You’ll know what that’s like when Taylor Swift goes indie and you start cutting yourself. And how is Uranus a beacon of home when I can’t find a single person who wants to go there? And what do you mean let’s not assume it can’t sustain life? It’s a scientific fact, Palin, not something you can pretend doesn’t exist because it’s snowing. Humans can’t live in -200-degree temperatures and where winds are 560 mph, way more than enough to blow your 40-lb. ass off the planet in seconds. Don’t pretend Uranus is anything more than an unexplored ball of gas that’s so far away from Earth that nobody cares about it. Yeah. Shove that in Uranus.

Next on Danger Queue: Electric Cars vs Toy Trains—Which Gets Nowhere Faster?